Ja my¶le ¿e ta ci±za to bzdura... [Archive]

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K_Swistaczek

5th January 2005, 20:47

Kto sie zgodzi ze mn±, ¿e tyle tej afery o ci±¿y Alizee, a nikt tego nie og³osi³ jeszcze oficjalnie ? Ja my¶le ¿e to wszystko bzdura :roll:

Maju

5th January 2005, 22:05

Ja to bym chcia³ wiedziec wogole co teraz siê dzieje z Alizee jak spêdzi³a sylwestra a raczej gdzie go z pêdzi³a i z kim ----> :twisted: a ci±¿± to uwa¿am jedna wielka plotka bo z tymi w³osami mi co¶ tam nie pasowa³o Alizee mia³a inne w³osy i znowu powróci³a do starych ?

Przemyslav

5th January 2005, 22:16

jak spêdzila sylwestra a raczej gdzie go z pêdzila i z kim

i czy kaca miala :D:D gwiazdy tesh go maja :) i co ciekawego dostala na gwiazdke :D

kranked

5th January 2005, 22:26

A po co ma ca³emu ¶wiatu og³aszaæ, ze jest w ci±zy :?: :wink: ( jak jest oczywi¶cie bo tego nikt do koñca nie wie z nas )

Darkthrone

5th January 2005, 22:42

http://www.alizee-forum.com/topic,8844,-%5Bvoici-i-nie-tylko%5D-dziecko-.html :wink:

Hubi

6th January 2005, 18:05

Go¶ciu przychamuj trochê, bo tu nie chodzi o to ¿eby pozak³adaæ jak najwiêc tematów, no i jeszcze na dodatek topic o tym ju¿ jest. Trochê poprzegl±daj forum, dobrze radzê.

Michel

6th January 2005, 19:43

K_¦wistaczku, uspokuj siê trochê... te tematy staj± siê trochê b³ahe... z reszt± to nie ten dzia³ :!: :!: :!:

lunatic

27th February 2005, 13:27

Nie chce za3nac bzdurnego tematu to wkleje tu :P, tylko nie mowie ze ten temat jest zly, ale ze slowem bzdura to pomyslalem ze tu bendzie ciepiej sie prezentowalo :P, 3talem dzis w http://www.mf-international.com i to podjelo mi humor.

Copyright by "Captain Gorgeous"

The Birth of Man
As the sun rises in the east the shadows slowly begin to disappear and the animals that have been hidden the forest begin to awake from their slumber. A family of apes hobble out the forest on all fours and venture into the nearby desert. Hours pass and the family decide to rest next to a great stone pillar. Tucking into a banana sandwich the family chat about their day, how they used branches to makes small trees and how they worked out that bananas are not useful when performing brain surgery on an elephant. They have an afternoon nap and are awakened by a humming noise from the pillar behind them. The noise increases in intensity and the apes begin to jump up and down in anger. Then for the first time an ape stands on just two feet. It walks up to the Obelisk shaped pillar and begins to hit it hard. Soon the whole family make the same giant step.

The Conception
Alizee and Jeremy are having a candle lit dinner. While Alizee tucks into the finest chicken roast you will ever see, Jerry has a banana soufflé.
Jerry: Delicious
Alizee: I know I am but what about the food?
Jerry: Food good
Alizee: Are you ok Jerry, you don’t seem yourself?
Jerry: Jerry want something
Alizee: But I got you those sheep shears so you don’t have to wax anymore
Jerry: No, Jerry want baby
Alizee: You know I’m easy, just seduce me
Jerry leans forward to lay on the charm.
Jerry: Your eyes sparkle like bananas and your legs look ready to peal
Alizee: Come on then hot stuff, I’m up for it
Moments later…
Alizee: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Jerry: I heard you the first time
Alizee roles over and lights up a cigarette.
Jerry: So where is baby?
Alizee: You have to wait until it’s been delivered
Jerry: You need stamp?
Alizee: The baby has to grow first inside me for 9 months
Jerry: Jerry impatient, we buy one at shop?
Alizee: No, you can wait!

The Pregnancy
While Jerry watches the TV, Alizee gets up and throws up in the bathroom once again.
Jerry: You ok?
Alizee: Blureghhhh!!!
Jerry: Is baby doing that?
Alizee: Blureghhhh!!!
Jerry: You should tell baby off
After a short while Alizee returns and sits back next to Jerry.
Alizee: My stomach is a bit sore
Jerry: Jerry not surprised, it so big. Did you eat football?
Alizee: No, it’s the baby inside me
Jerry: Baby is football?
Alizee: Just hug me
Jerry: Jerry did that before and you sick on me
Alizee: I’m sorry I missed the bucket
Jerry: Jerry had trouble cleaning hair for 3 days
Alizee: Have you looked at those baby books I gave you?
Jerry: All same rectangular shape
Alizee: But did you read them?
Jerry: Jerry supposed to read them?
Alizee: I want you to know what to do when I give birth
Jerry: Jerry call doctor, then eat banana

The Birth
Alizee and Jerry are asleep when suddenly something happens…
Alizee: Jerry my water just broke!
Jerry: Doctor! Doctor!
Alizee: What are you doing?
Jerry: Jerry call doctor like you said
Alizee: Give me the phone
Jerry: Baby use them already?
Alizee: No I am going to get us a lift to the hospital
Jerry: Jerry not go there, head still hurts from experiments
Alizee: This is a hospital for babies so you will be fine
Jerry: Jerry still scared
Alizee: Then wear your disguise
An hour later, the ambulance pulls up at the hospital and Jerry emerges from the back.
Medic: We will take your wife straight through Mr Babydaddy. If you just sign her in at the desk.
Jerry: What desk?
Medic: The wooden thing that the lady is sitting behind
Jerry walks up to the desk.
Receptionist: How may I help you?
Jerry: Jerry want baby
Receptionist: Our black market in dead bodies doesn’t open for another 2 hours
Jerry: No, wife having baby
Receptionist: Did I say black market? I meant to say, what is her name?
Jerry: Jerry not know if baby a girl yet
Receptionist: Your wife’s name?
Jerry: I not say, it ruin my disguise
Receptionist: What shall we call her then?
Jerry: I call her Alizee
Receptionist: Very well you can go see her now
Jerry: I not see where she go
In the delivery room Alizee is in the final stages of labour.
Alizee: Jerry, hold my hand
Jerry: But Jerry eat banana
Alizee: Argh!!! Hold my hand!
Jerry holds her hand as the baby begins to emerge.
Doctor: I can see it, just a little more now. Push hard
Alizee falls off the bed.
Doctor: Not you, I meant your wife!
Jerry: Jerry not know
Doctor: I can see the head. There is a lot of hair here. Nurse, pass me the razor!
The doctor begins to shave off the hair in the way.
Nurse: Doctor, are we delivering a baby or a wig?
Jerry: It’s a boy!
Doctor: Jesus Christ! How can you tell from that!?! Damn he’s right
Alizee: Argh!!!
Doctor: We’re there! Congratulations you have a beautiful…male baboon
Jerry: He looks just like father
Doctor: Poor child
Alizee hugs the baby in her arms as it cries.

Six Months On
Jerry and Alizee arrive at a bench and sit down. They sit little Diddy Kong on the floor and he begins to crawl around.
Alizee: You were right this was a great place to come
Jerry: Jerry knew you like it. We married here
Alizee: Such found memories of Las Vegas. I might start to write music while I’m here
Jerry: You not sing in English
Alizee: No, I don’t do that anymore
Jerry: You could never sing. That my job
Alizee: Thanks to technology I can. Our baby will be a great singer
Jerry: He already climb Empire State Building
Alizee: He does get around
Jerry: Where Diddy Kong gone? You hear loud noise?
They look around and see him banging the obelisk in front of the casino standing on his two feet.
Alizee: He can walk!

Copyright by "Captain Gorgeous"

Przemyslav

27th February 2005, 15:00

You know I’m easy, just seduce me

nie no niemoge z tych textow :D:D:D dowcipane wsio :) ciaza na wesolo :D:D

GApa

27th February 2005, 17:27

Moze ktos to przetlumaczyc na jezyk Mickiewicza :?:

Michel

27th February 2005, 20:17

Ja nie jestem dobry w trzynastozg³oskowym rymowaniu :wink:

croolik

27th February 2005, 22:25

Ehehe, tekst niez³y. Samo ¿ycie :P

Ronnie

28th February 2005, 14:14

Czlowiek... jaka bzdura !?
Masz dwa linki i rozwaz fakty...
http://www.alizee-forum.com/galerie/details.php?image_id=6013

http://www.alizee-forum.com/galerie/details.php?image_id=6033

Z tego textu nie wiele czaje :? stresci ktos po krotce?
Pozdrawiam!

lunatic

28th February 2005, 21:19

Czlowiek... jaka bzdura !?
hyhyhy ale sie usmialem :P , wem wiem ze KTOS jest w ciazy, poprostu w tamtym tekscie jeden gosc wyrazil ciaze oczami mr.J i oczami Alizee :P

Przemyslav

28th February 2005, 21:23

K_Swistaczek po prostu przeniosl sie do rownoleglego wszechswiata :D:D gdzie Lili nie jest w ciazy i koncertuje w Polsce :D:D

desaint

28th February 2005, 22:09

W sumie fajnie ma .. tez bym tak chcial .. (podrozowanie w czasie przestrzeni, wymiarach ...)

(ON NA POSTY SWOJEGO AUTORSTWA WOGOOLE ZAGLADA ?? bo ni qmam)

GApa

1st March 2005, 00:19

ON NA POSTY SWOJEGO AUTORSTWA WOGOOLE ZAGLADA ?? bo ni qmam

A on tu wogole zaglada ?Pozakladal posty i go niema ,pewnie ma 23 tematy zalozone>Yyyyy a moze trza sie bardzej zastanowic co sie z nim stalo bo to nigdy niewiadomo moze..............porwali go kosmici albo ..............swiataq bo to jak by jakas "rodzina"

Przemyslav

1st March 2005, 01:11

swiataq bo to jak by jakas "rodzina"

kurde ja sie nie przynaje :D:D nie wiem jesli jush to baaaardzo daleka :D:D jush mnie wiecej z Croolikiem laczy :D:D

desaint

1st March 2005, 23:25

wiem wiem ... on pewnie w inny wymiar sie przeniosl ... skoobany z Alizee sie zeni .. ;-) (bez urazy k_swistaczek)

snajper

2nd March 2005, 20:33

no co wy...on ma caly harem zon....kazda jest jak alizee....i ma same corki, i wszystkie s± jak alizee, i mama, i ciotki, i wujki, i dziadki, babki, prababki, pradziadki, prawujki....tez sa jak alizee. aha ma jeszcze pizame z malymi sylwetkami alizee:D

desaint

2nd March 2005, 22:24

co za duzo to niezdrowo ... ale gdyby caly swiat byla w alizee.. to bybyl troszecze noodny ... jedna w zupelnosci wystarczy .. :)

Przemyslav

2nd March 2005, 22:38

co za duzo to niezdrowo ... ale gdyby caly swiat byla w alizee.. to bybyl troszecze noodny ... jedna w zupelnosci wystarczy ..

to samo stosuje do piosenek Lili ze czesto i za dlugo nie slucham bo moga siejesio znudzic ico bedzie :wink:

GApa

3rd March 2005, 17:03

to samo stosuje do piosenek Lili ze czesto i za dlugo nie slucham bo moga siejesio znudzic ico bedzie

No do sluchania jej piosnek to trza sie ograniczac...

Ale do ogladanie zdjec absolutnie nie , mi nigdy sie nieznudza napewno jej foty :D Nie ma bata

desaint

3rd March 2005, 22:39

Heh ... z tego wszystkigo chyba poojde na fotografie .. i bende anonimowym kuturalnym niezbyt wscibskim paparazzi ... przyjemne zajecie .. :P

ESTHER

25th July 2005, 16:39

Juz od dawna uwazalam ze ta cala afera z ciaza Alizée to bzdura,poniewaz wiem jestem przekonana ze tak by nie wychodzila za maz nie mowac rodzinie w Las Vegas i ta afera z dzieckiem tez mi sie nie widzi podsumuwujac wszystko,pewnie to plotki.

snajper

26th July 2005, 22:34

taaaaaaaaaaaaaak ESTHER a te foto co niby Alizee ma dziecko w swoich pieknych rêcach (hehe nigdy pisac nieumialem) to niby fotomontaz....albo se lili chciala w mediach zablysnac wyszla przed dom z lalka mlodszej siostry z tym swoim j. i szpanuje ze to ona niby mamusia jest....tak uwazasz??

Ronnie

26th July 2005, 23:01

pewnie to plotki.

no nie zabardzo... ale tez kiedys nie wierzylem :) Niestety fakty przemawiaja za tym ze slub z Jeremim i dzieco sa prawda... zreszta wiemy juz to od bardzo dawna :?

oleger

26th July 2005, 23:22

a ja powiem ze chcialbym baaaaaardzooo zeby to byly plotki :cheesy:
ale prawda jest brutalna niestety :cry: :cry: :D

Maju

27th July 2005, 11:41

Ja mysle ze Esther napisala ten post jako taki przytakujacy osobie ktora zalozyla temat :cheesy: Esther doskonale wie ¿e Alizee ma dziecko ...

croolik

27th July 2005, 15:51

Maju:

Esther doskonale wie ¿e Alizee ma dziecko ...

Nie by³bym tego taki pewny. Czytaj±c jej posta odnosi siê zgo³a przeciwne wra¿enie. Ale mo¿e siê nie znam.